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Soth
Joined: 19 Sep 2000
Posts: 1329
Location: New York |
confessions...
I dont really know why im writing this, or how to start.. i guess ill start off with the suspicion surrounding my playing. yeah, i hacked. but not how most of you think. i hacked on a smurfing account, for a couple dozen bnet ladder games. the site is here; http://www.angelfire.com/nb/radium/
i really only did it just to see how many people hacked on the ladder. im sure someone will draw other conclusions from that(nalzyman), but whatever. other than my occasional hacking while watching, i was a clean player. if people dont believe that, i guess thats up to them.
over the past few months, ive been severely depressed. i know what most of you are thinking, "why doesnt he post this somewhere else" .. i've spent the last few years basically doing nothing but playing war2.. as sad as that is, you guys were my social life, so i suppose i feel a connection to you. i never really sought help for my depression, and its crumbling my sanity. i think about suicide alot, and have already missed a day of classes. ironic that i was giving doritoe advice about depression.
some of you know im bald, but its because i have a hair loss condition known as alopecia; im also a pretty timid person, and have a few other medical problems which deter having a normal social life. its pretty hard for an abnormal person to get a job, gf, or make friends easily. most of the people here are probably pretty normal, so i doubt any of you could comprehend what its like to be a social outcast.
the internet really is a wonderful place, it allows people like me to pretend to be something we're not; we can enjoy life when it would otherwise be miserable and unrewarding. its too bad i was such a prick to others. i feel bad for them, and myself.
i suppose i went overboard alot, claiming people hacked and whatnot, when i was really just mad about losing. im sorry for hassling certain people so much; konmon, prophecy, and a few select others.
i have classes tomorrow, but i think ill go look for a car to buy instead. then take whats left of my funds and do some traveling. i doubt ill come back.
its unfortunate that people like ghostnuke have such difficulty showing compassion; i dont know why. im sure he'll respond with something like "go kill yourself faggot", but thats the nature of this community i guess. i never understood depressed or suicidal people before. i probably didnt care either; i guess you really do have to be there to know what someone is going through. its not fun, and you feel like crying alot. i tend to sleep alot and waste the day away. and then stay up late playing war2 where its semi-peaceful; i can relax and forget about the problems surrounding my life for a few hours before the sun rises.
i regret making jokes and laughing at others. i regret everytime i called someone a loser or a newbie. moreso than anyone here can imagine. for some people, life really does suck.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:18 pm |
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ghostnuke
Joined: 03 Aug 2003
Posts: 5668
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hacker
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:30 pm |
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~god~_freak
Joined: 19 Apr 2002
Posts: 472
Location: missouri |
hey soth ~
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:31 pm |
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DrunkeN
Joined: 20 Jul 2001
Posts: 616
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Go take some drugs, they allways help depression.
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Anti-Jabroni
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:40 pm |
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Dalaran
Joined: 12 Jul 2003
Posts: 106
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plz drunken depression is a serious issue. drugs can sometimes be the rigth answer but sometimes be the complete wrong one. each specific case needs to be looked into in order for correct drugs to be prescribed
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:48 pm |
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Prank.
Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 551
Location: Toronto, Canada |
i love you soth!
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:48 pm |
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Goku
Joined: 16 Apr 2003
Posts: 2386
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Nice post man. Always had fun gaming with you. Some people put on online personas but I believe you didn't. You'd be a cool guy to get to know and hang out with. Peace and gl with life.
- Rehost
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:55 pm |
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Prank.
Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 551
Location: Toronto, Canada |
You have rehost's blessing dont you feel warm inside now? 
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 9:59 pm |
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Prank.
Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 551
Location: Toronto, Canada |
but foreal if this is true soth is a cool guy and doesnt desirve all the problems and worrys he has and if he does traval he needs to stop off my ghostnuke's house and stab him
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:01 pm |
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ghostnuke
Joined: 03 Aug 2003
Posts: 5668
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quote:
Originally posted by Prank.
but foreal if this is true soth is a cool guy and doesnt desirve all the problems and worrys he has and if he does traval he needs to stop off my ghostnuke's house and stab him
he should have no problem finding me with his map hack
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:07 pm |
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Prank.
Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 551
Location: Toronto, Canada |
haha funny when will you realize war2 is not life? 
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:10 pm |
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kindbud
Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 694
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quote:
Originally posted by ghostnuke
quote:
Originally posted by Prank.
but foreal if this is true soth is a cool guy and doesnt desirve all the problems and worrys he has and if he does traval he needs to stop off my ghostnuke's house and stab him
he should have no problem finding me with his map hack
rofl as much as i love soth, which by the way, i do... that was good.
1-0 ghostnuke right now.
Hi soth, if you travel, hit up pennsylvania and come to my house  thx.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:11 pm |
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STOOPlD
Joined: 20 Jul 2001
Posts: 3825
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people without online personas are retards or just no fun at all
HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS
hf
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:20 pm |
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'Mage
Joined: 28 Feb 2001
Posts: 322
Location: canada |
soth, everyone goes through depression at one point or another i think, its all how you handle it. I dont think you give people enough credit, if you go out and try to make friends i assure you there are some good people out there who wont care about your baldness or any of your illnesses, the worst thing to do while depressed is to sit alone, go out, find people to hang out with and youll see things arent really that bad.. hope you dont do anything youll regret
take it easy bro
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~Mage
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:22 pm |
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Shotgun_
Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Posts: 7135
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hmmm htos, as much as i hate you and think you're a stupid faggot, there is someone out there for everyone to relate to, you don't have to look they'll find you, as far as seeking help is concerned, no one can do anything for you, except take $80 an hour of your money and talk shit to you. i wish i got paid 80 to talk shit lol, anyway just remember everyone is a gift to the earth no matter what they look like, how they act or what they believe. later.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:23 pm |
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Shotgun_
Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Posts: 7135
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quote:
Originally posted by ghostnuke
quote:
Originally posted by Prank.
but foreal if this is true soth is a cool guy and doesnt desirve all the problems and worrys he has and if he does traval he needs to stop off my ghostnuke's house and stab him
he should have no problem finding me with his map hack
sorry but rofl
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:24 pm |
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Goku
Joined: 16 Apr 2003
Posts: 2386
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quote:
Originally posted by STOOPlD
people without online personas are retards or just no fun at all
HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS HTOS
hf
I mean when it comes down to it. Sure being an ass and acting stupid is ok. But some people play their life out as something it's not. Ok g2g.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:25 pm |
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Skechers
Joined: 23 Feb 2003
Posts: 6077
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htos if that is the case - why is it that every time i was nice to you and said bro you cool we cool, you just disced me and treated me like shit like i wasn't being cool to you?
i seriously would admit to hacking if i ever hacked ,i dont care, but its very hard to do that when i never hacked any of those games. its fucking insanse... i seriously would what do i have to lose? nothing =[ plenty of people came clean and said yup i hacked and thats it now they play legit games, but i never hacked any of those games i had ss and video that really did freeze on a 255mhz comp 64mb of ram =[ so you are nuts if u think all these years i would still say i didn't hack if i did, i really would admit it, i wish sometimes i did hack cuz then i can just come clean and get on with it.
anyway - you were never that irriating to me htos - the only people who were very irritating in THE WAY THEY SPOKE (meaning not what they said) was orkinman2 and ~babypeon . till this day i can't get along with these 2 they just irriating.. babypeon is a peice of work "im a chinese american girl" ya right- i know she is a guy plan and simple. and she is pretending to be a girl so people will like her, i notice she is very sensative and rarly speaks just so no one will rip on her - but i free willingly just ripped on her for being such a gay judgmental freak - i spoke to her twice on bnet and i mean directly to her and she judges me with shit like " i have no sense of humor" hahah =[ alright babypeon -
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:29 pm |
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STOOPlD
Joined: 20 Jul 2001
Posts: 3825
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it's bad for the people who will feel sad doing it
But say it is part of their life to always fit in/follow the latest fad, and they have lots of fun doing it. Born posers, if you may.
Or they just like insulting and hating everything (i.e. ghostnuke).
if you ask different people (online or in real life) about me, they're going to say completely different things
it's just how I am under different circumstances/environments though
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:31 pm |
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kindbud
Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 694
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quote:
Originally posted by Skechers
htos if that is the case - why is it that every time i was nice to you and said bro you cool we cool, you just disced me and treated me like shit like i wasn't being cool to you?
i seriously would admit to hacking if i ever hacked ,i dont care, but its very hard to do that when i never hacked any of those games. its fucking insanse... i seriously would what do i have to lose? nothing =[ plenty of people came clean and said yup i hacked and thats it now they play legit games, but i never hacked any of those games i had ss and video that really did freeze on a 255mhz comp 64mb of ram =[ so you are nuts if u think all these years i would still say i didn't hack if i did, i really would admit it, i wish sometimes i did hack cuz then i can just come clean and get on with it.
anyway - you were never that irriating to me htos - the only people who were very irritating in THE WAY THEY SPOKE (meaning not what they said) was orkinman2 and ~babypeon . till this day i can't get along with these 2 they just irriating.. babypeon is a peice of work "im a chinese american girl" ya right- i know she is a guy plan and simple. and she is pretending to be a girl so people will like her, i notice she is very sensative and rarly speaks just so no one will rip on her - but i free willingly just ripped on her for being such a gay judgmental freak - i spoke to her twice on bnet and i mean directly to her and she judges me with shit like " i have no sense of humor" hahah =[ alright babypeon -
Do you want a fucking cookie?
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:33 pm |
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Skechers
Joined: 23 Feb 2003
Posts: 6077
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Re: confessions...
quote:
Originally posted by Soth
I dont really know why im writing this, or how to start.. i guess ill start off with the suspicion surrounding my playing. yeah, i hacked. but not how most of you think. i hacked on a smurfing account, for a couple dozen bnet ladder games. the site is here; http://www.angelfire.com/nb/radium/
i really only did it just to see how many people hacked on the ladder. im sure someone will draw other conclusions from that(nalzyman), but whatever. other than my occasional hacking while watching, i was a clean player. if people dont believe that, i guess thats up to them.
over the past few months, ive been severely depressed. i know what most of you are thinking, "why doesnt he post this somewhere else" .. i've spent the last few years basically doing nothing but playing war2.. as sad as that is, you guys were my social life, so i suppose i feel a connection to you. i never really sought help for my depression, and its crumbling my sanity. i think about suicide alot, and have already missed a day of classes. ironic that i was giving doritoe advice about depression.
some of you know im bald, but its because i have a hair loss condition known as alopecia; im also a pretty timid person, and have a few other medical problems which deter having a normal social life. its pretty hard for an abnormal person to get a job, gf, or make friends easily. most of the people here are probably pretty normal, so i doubt any of you could comprehend what its like to be a social outcast.
the internet really is a wonderful place, it allows people like me to pretend to be something we're not; we can enjoy life when it would otherwise be miserable and unrewarding. its too bad i was such a prick to others. i feel bad for them, and myself.
i suppose i went overboard alot, claiming people hacked and whatnot, when i was really just mad about losing. im sorry for hassling certain people so much; konmon, prophecy, and a few select others.
i have classes tomorrow, but i think ill go look for a car to buy instead. then take whats left of my funds and do some traveling. i doubt ill come back.
its unfortunate that people like ghostnuke have such difficulty showing compassion; i dont know why. im sure he'll respond with something like "go kill yourself faggot", but thats the nature of this community i guess. i never understood depressed or suicidal people before. i probably didnt care either; i guess you really do have to be there to know what someone is going through. its not fun, and you feel like crying alot. i tend to sleep alot and waste the day away. and then stay up late playing war2 where its semi-peaceful; i can relax and forget about the problems surrounding my life for a few hours before the sun rises.
i regret making jokes and laughing at others. i regret everytime i called someone a loser or a newbie. moreso than anyone here can imagine. for some people, life really does suck.
HEY MAN- i wrote my reply about not hating u before i saw that appology of busting my balls - i guess i know what you mean . as you know i never really took a personal blow to you or as much as i wanted to because i never had anything against you besides the fact you accused me of hacking and lied about it and that you just called me stupid and shit -maybe to make urself feel better? i always wondered why you were like that to me, but now i guess i know why and it sorta makes me feel bad for ya. but whatever..
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:33 pm |
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Bryter-
Joined: 03 Jul 2002
Posts: 347
Location: Directly above the center of the Earth |
Re: confessions...
quote:
Originally posted by Soth
i have classes tomorrow, but i think ill go look for a car to buy instead. then take whats left of my funds and do some traveling. i doubt ill come back.
I suggest you do something more contructive and a bit more inspirational like hiking the appalachian trail. Or, if you are in CA, then the Pacific Crest Trail.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:34 pm |
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Skechers
Joined: 23 Feb 2003
Posts: 6077
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quote:
Originally posted by kindbud
quote:
Originally posted by Skechers
htos if that is the case - why is it that every time i was nice to you and said bro you cool we cool, you just disced me and treated me like shit like i wasn't being cool to you?
i seriously would admit to hacking if i ever hacked ,i dont care, but its very hard to do that when i never hacked any of those games. its fucking insanse... i seriously would what do i have to lose? nothing =[ plenty of people came clean and said yup i hacked and thats it now they play legit games, but i never hacked any of those games i had ss and video that really did freeze on a 255mhz comp 64mb of ram =[ so you are nuts if u think all these years i would still say i didn't hack if i did, i really would admit it, i wish sometimes i did hack cuz then i can just come clean and get on with it.
anyway - you were never that irriating to me htos - the only people who were very irritating in THE WAY THEY SPOKE (meaning not what they said) was orkinman2 and ~babypeon . till this day i can't get along with these 2 they just irriating.. babypeon is a peice of work "im a chinese american girl" ya right- i know she is a guy plan and simple. and she is pretending to be a girl so people will like her, i notice she is very sensative and rarly speaks just so no one will rip on her - but i free willingly just ripped on her for being such a gay judgmental freak - i spoke to her twice on bnet and i mean directly to her and she judges me with shit like " i have no sense of humor" hahah =[ alright babypeon -
Do you want a fucking cookie?
if its 100 percent protein no fat and no carbs and taste good - yes i do want that cookie
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:34 pm |
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KillaBoBilla
Joined: 10 Feb 2002
Posts: 740
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Soth, I always liked you man. YOu always seemed like a pretty cool guy! Oh ya, I had alopecia when I was young too, but only over a small part of the back of my scalp. Anyways, I just thought I'd show some appreciation. See ya around buddy.
-crossbuster
Oh yea, don't listen to people like Ghostnuke... Honestly, he is the biggest retard I have ever seen. This is how he copes with depression.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:40 pm |
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STOOPlD
Joined: 20 Jul 2001
Posts: 3825
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quote:
Originally posted by KillaBoBilla
This is how he copes with depression.
And you resent that because you have problems coping with meaningless messages. Look at what Soth did because of depression. Everyone likes him more now though because he shows regret.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:44 pm |
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KillaBoBilla
Joined: 10 Feb 2002
Posts: 740
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quote:
Originally posted by STOOPlD
quote:
Originally posted by KillaBoBilla
This is how he copes with depression.
And you resent that because you have problems coping with meaningless messages. Look at what Soth did because of depression. Everyone likes him more now though because he shows regret.
In english please?
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:46 pm |
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STOOPlD
Joined: 20 Jul 2001
Posts: 3825
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quote:
Originally posted by KillaBoBilla
In english please?
Oh yea, don't listen to people like KillaBoBilla... Honestly, he is the biggest retard I have ever seen. This is how he copes with depression.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 10:55 pm |
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GaNzTheLegend
Joined: 01 Jan 2001
Posts: 8287
Location: Toronto, Canada |
Well you quit war2, thats one step in the right direction.
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 11:01 pm |
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taxstunna
Joined: 24 Feb 2003
Posts: 149
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Htos, there are ways to overcome drpession. I hope u can overcome this problem. Being bald is normal. Most of my freinds sahve their head ne way. But ne way i had fun gaming with you. I remember when u use to rape me hardcore. And btw all u newbs.. i hacked at one point too. but not ne more. Peace htos.. Oh ya when u travel, go somewhere sunny and where their are prostitutes. It can liven things up. Lata,
Stunna
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Thu Aug 28, 2003 11:15 pm |
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