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The Iraq War Ruined My Life
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GenOciDe-



Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Posts: 5719
Location: Ottawa
The Iraq War Ruined My Life

Now, I am not one who ussually opens up about personal things but things have been awful for me lately and I just need to get some stuff out. To let you know just how low it is. I am sitting here with a bottle of my favorite, 'Makers Mark' and I don't drink often at all.

First I need to give some background information. I am a Marine, no longer active but still a Marine. I had always wanted to be a Marine since I was a kid. I graduated high school in 2000 and wanted to spend a year learning my already in progress trade of carpentry before I left.(remember, no war then.) After that year,(now Spring 2001), I joined the delayed entry program with the intentions of leaving at the end of the summer. Just as the summer was ending I tore and strangulated a hernia and spent a few months layed up and was disqualified from the program temporarily. So to make a long story short, I retore the hernis once and never ended up leaving for basic training until October of 2002. Now I joined for my original want to be a Marine but by the time I actually got to Parris Island I too was filled with anger from 911 as I was duped like many others.

After boot camp I went to the School of Infantry(SOI). I graduated SOI the week the invasion in Iraq began. I went straight to my unit and spent the next two months sitting at the barracks with our gear packed ready to go at any moment. Well, that didn't happen. So, soon the battalion came back and we were formed in to our new companys. I went to Alpha Company.(My beloved home for the next few years.) Our company ended up getting slated for duty in OIF2-2 which took place from sept 2004 to april 2005. We spent the time until then becomeing a strong fighting unit and became very closely bonded. In mid 2004 while we were doing our training workup we got the word that we would be headed to Fallujah. As we all knew at the time Fallujah was the wild west. We had already lost four Marines from our sister company who were currently there at the time.

So, we show up and relieve our sister company in early september and get to work conducting combat operations. In the first month we had many Marines wounded from IED attacks but luckily nobody killed. Then we got word that a major operation would take place soon and us being a reconisance unit would be responsible for providing alot of intel that would determine the operation. Needless to say we had our work cut out for us as well as second recon battallion which also did alot of the recon for the later to be named event called Operation Phantom Fury. When the battle kicked off the regimental combat teams went in from the north and we continued to hold blocking positions on the south end of the city. We were under constant Mortar, RPG, Sniper, and Machine gun fire the whole time for the most part. After the battle I spent my remaining tie in country embeded with the newly formed Iraqi Army, training and advising them. It truly was quite an experience. And then just like it began we were on a plane and back to America again.

I came home and we began to train because we knew we were going again in six months or so. During this time I began to have problems with my Heart and my gastrointestinal tract. I ended up being transfered from my company and had to have many medical tests done. It turned out that something had happened to my heart and I had irreversable damage was done. That led to a medical evaluation board which forced me to extend my contract and be unacceptable for reeinlistment. I was found unfit for duty and discharged in 2007 and told to go to the VA for further care. I came home to no work as I live in Michigan and had yet to enroll in VA benifits. It took almost two years to attain my VA benifits so I struggled financially as there was not many jobs available at the time.

I also statred care at the VA for PTSD. The first and foremost thing they wanted to shove anti-depressants down my throat. I said ok and I tried them. Big mistake. No matter what they tried they either made me sick or suicidal. I then asked if I could just talk to someone once a week to try to work things out. They offered me an eight session group therapy which was mildly helpfull. After asking again to be able to talk one on one with someone I was told I would have to be on medication first. That is when I walked away from the VA mental health system.

I did try seeing a private phsycologist through my wifes health insurance but did not find that helpfull even after a long time of trying.

With my history of experiences in the war and my steady symptoms I also suffer from traumatic brain injury.(TBI) I saw someone at the VA about it when I was first evaluated and was quickley shoved out his door as he had no interest in helping me or anyone for that matter.

It is now 2012 and I have spent alot of time researching the effects of Depleted Uranium(DU), Toxic exposure, and PTSD. So I went back to the Va today, saw my primary care physician to discuss these mattes. I was refered to a social worker who asked me many questions. First she told me that my primary care doctor should have adressed the toxic exposure topic and set up tests for me. He didn't, Major Fail in my opinion. When I brought up DU she said "Well if you weren't in any buildings or anywhere it eas used you should be ok. HELLO I was in Fallujah, DUH. How many houses did we end up clearing that had been destroyed by DU tank shells? More than I can count. So basically I got knowehre with the VA again. And I am starting to volunteer there next week to help other vets because the VA does not seem to give two craps about us.

So to make things worse, I go to pick my daughter up from my parents house afterwards and express my discontent for what happened. My father had the audacity to tell me I am crazy and I don't know what's going on with the VA and the wars and our current system. He told me he knows the system better than me although he is not a veteran and has never had to deal with this. The rest of My family treats me like I'm just some crazy war vet even though I don't say much or act bad when I am around. Is it the mainstream view that is causing this? I just realised that I must cut all ties with them until I can get myself taken care of. Things just get worse for me and not having family support just sucks bad. My wife is not a very supportive person either. I am truly hurt by the things that have happend and am very upset. Please don't worry as suicide is not in my future. I have the most wonderfull little two year old girl to raise. I am applying for a service dog as I used to train them and am just looking for change.

Are there any other veterans on here who have had simaler problems?

I know some will attack this post and that's fine. It won't be anything I have not heard before and you are welcome to do so. It will only echo the way us veterans are being treated openly in public by many now. Not a day goes by that someone does'nt look down on me or berate me for my service. All I want to know is why when we give so much, do we recieve so little in return? I'm sorry for giving a sob story I just feel weak and battered down right now. I just wish things could get better for one instead of continually getting worse.
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Post Sat Mar 02, 2013 7:56 pm 
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smurf_king



Joined: 07 Mar 2009
Posts: 4366

not familiar with the DU this was the first time i read about depleted uranium i had to goggle to understand a bit about it.. anyway, check p.m.
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Post Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:44 pm 
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$paCe



Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Posts: 4911

noob
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Post Sun Mar 03, 2013 7:55 pm 
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Sparkz102



Joined: 27 Feb 2003
Posts: 2999
Location: War2
Re: The Iraq War Ruined My Life

quote:
Originally posted by GenOciDe-
Now, I am not one who ussually opens up about personal things but things have been awful for me lately and I just need to get some stuff out. To let you know just how low it is. I am sitting here with a bottle of my favorite, 'Makers Mark' and I don't drink often at all.

First I need to give some background information. I am a Marine, no longer active but still a Marine. I had always wanted to be a Marine since I was a kid. I graduated high school in 2000 and wanted to spend a year learning my already in progress trade of carpentry before I left.(remember, no war then.) After that year,(now Spring 2001), I joined the delayed entry program with the intentions of leaving at the end of the summer. Just as the summer was ending I tore and strangulated a hernia and spent a few months layed up and was disqualified from the program temporarily. So to make a long story short, I retore the hernis once and never ended up leaving for basic training until October of 2002. Now I joined for my original want to be a Marine but by the time I actually got to Parris Island I too was filled with anger from 911 as I was duped like many others.

After boot camp I went to the School of Infantry(SOI). I graduated SOI the week the invasion in Iraq began. I went straight to my unit and spent the next two months sitting at the barracks with our gear packed ready to go at any moment. Well, that didn't happen. So, soon the battalion came back and we were formed in to our new companys. I went to Alpha Company.(My beloved home for the next few years.) Our company ended up getting slated for duty in OIF2-2 which took place from sept 2004 to april 2005. We spent the time until then becomeing a strong fighting unit and became very closely bonded. In mid 2004 while we were doing our training workup we got the word that we would be headed to Fallujah. As we all knew at the time Fallujah was the wild west. We had already lost four Marines from our sister company who were currently there at the time.

So, we show up and relieve our sister company in early september and get to work conducting combat operations. In the first month we had many Marines wounded from IED attacks but luckily nobody killed. Then we got word that a major operation would take place soon and us being a reconisance unit would be responsible for providing alot of intel that would determine the operation. Needless to say we had our work cut out for us as well as second recon battallion which also did alot of the recon for the later to be named event called Operation Phantom Fury. When the battle kicked off the regimental combat teams went in from the north and we continued to hold blocking positions on the south end of the city. We were under constant Mortar, RPG, Sniper, and Machine gun fire the whole time for the most part. After the battle I spent my remaining tie in country embeded with the newly formed Iraqi Army, training and advising them. It truly was quite an experience. And then just like it began we were on a plane and back to America again.

I came home and we began to train because we knew we were going again in six months or so. During this time I began to have problems with my Heart and my gastrointestinal tract. I ended up being transfered from my company and had to have many medical tests done. It turned out that something had happened to my heart and I had irreversable damage was done. That led to a medical evaluation board which forced me to extend my contract and be unacceptable for reeinlistment. I was found unfit for duty and discharged in 2007 and told to go to the VA for further care. I came home to no work as I live in Michigan and had yet to enroll in VA benifits. It took almost two years to attain my VA benifits so I struggled financially as there was not many jobs available at the time.

I also statred care at the VA for PTSD. The first and foremost thing they wanted to shove anti-depressants down my throat. I said ok and I tried them. Big mistake. No matter what they tried they either made me sick or suicidal. I then asked if I could just talk to someone once a week to try to work things out. They offered me an eight session group therapy which was mildly helpfull. After asking again to be able to talk one on one with someone I was told I would have to be on medication first. That is when I walked away from the VA mental health system.

I did try seeing a private phsycologist through my wifes health insurance but did not find that helpfull even after a long time of trying.

With my history of experiences in the war and my steady symptoms I also suffer from traumatic brain injury.(TBI) I saw someone at the VA about it when I was first evaluated and was quickley shoved out his door as he had no interest in helping me or anyone for that matter.

It is now 2012 and I have spent alot of time researching the effects of Depleted Uranium(DU), Toxic exposure, and PTSD. So I went back to the Va today, saw my primary care physician to discuss these mattes. I was refered to a social worker who asked me many questions. First she told me that my primary care doctor should have adressed the toxic exposure topic and set up tests for me. He didn't, Major Fail in my opinion. When I brought up DU she said "Well if you weren't in any buildings or anywhere it eas used you should be ok. HELLO I was in Fallujah, DUH. How many houses did we end up clearing that had been destroyed by DU tank shells? More than I can count. So basically I got knowehre with the VA again. And I am starting to volunteer there next week to help other vets because the VA does not seem to give two craps about us.

So to make things worse, I go to pick my daughter up from my parents house afterwards and express my discontent for what happened. My father had the audacity to tell me I am crazy and I don't know what's going on with the VA and the wars and our current system. He told me he knows the system better than me although he is not a veteran and has never had to deal with this. The rest of My family treats me like I'm just some crazy war vet even though I don't say much or act bad when I am around. Is it the mainstream view that is causing this? I just realised that I must cut all ties with them until I can get myself taken care of. Things just get worse for me and not having family support just sucks bad. My wife is not a very supportive person either. I am truly hurt by the things that have happend and am very upset. Please don't worry as suicide is not in my future. I have the most wonderfull little two year old girl to raise. I am applying for a service dog as I used to train them and am just looking for change.

Are there any other veterans on here who have had simaler problems?

I know some will attack this post and that's fine. It won't be anything I have not heard before and you are welcome to do so. It will only echo the way us veterans are being treated openly in public by many now. Not a day goes by that someone does'nt look down on me or berate me for my service. All I want to know is why when we give so much, do we recieve so little in return? I'm sorry for giving a sob story I just feel weak and battered down right now. I just wish things could get better for one instead of continually getting worse.


i'll tell ya why geno, first I didn't know you were a marine - u never spoke of it and seeing how you bonded with pricklez on sc2 - it makes sense

what was your intent and reasoning on why u wanted to be a marine?
and as far as your last sentence of "I put so much in and yet got so little out"

completely egotistical. I can punch a wall all day until my damn wrist breaks and curse the very same statement you wrote. like, what did you think you were going to accomplish? follow someone elses voice for what? your reasons? if they are your reasons then u have you have no right complaining which tells me after high school, not to see u were uneducated, but you were uninformed of what you wanted [this may be retracted with your reasoning of wanting to become a marine, I don't think this yet]

I think your mind mentally and body physically were completely different.
war is war - it messes people up - aint you ever played a game called war2 and watch people die? - that stems from reality of what happens in wars

personally, I think its disgusting that its 2013 and with all the technology available regarding communication that war within the same species exists, its barbaric mannerism not to be contradicted with a barbarian. yet technology has much such fast, quick strides, its not been able to be implanted as fast as its being updated.

the only thing that was relating in your posts are when, twice, you sought help through human communication and considered that a benefit - in a sense of that you are doing now because ur past experiences warrented success - so thank you for opening up.

that said - you're going to have to rewire your brain - a mix of society is good - but to be a slave to it; is just that. i'm glad youre staying away from pharmaceutical drugs - despite working for an insurance company - they MAY have their time and place, but for all said and done, I think they are complete trash and mind fucking chemcials where peoples health are being farmed off of.

you're family won't understand unless they are being objective and can recognize themselves as being wrong - this is why your conversation with your father will never go well. he knows everything about nothing - two extreme ends of the spectrum that balance his sanity; where as, "awkward" as his maybe - its stable, where as you are fluctuating back and forth in your state of mind. again your intent of becoming a marine has to play with this.

that said; it's going to follow up on the previous paragraph of rewiring your brain and learning to live again - I understand you have sustained damage and people aren't going to understand - that's part of growing up [and listen, just cuz you may have been through more dynamic shit that me, doesn't make you a matured man despite you ability to follow duties and act responsibie - that is far different than wisdom, I don't mean to sound insulting or condescending, but you asked for help, so im going to give it to you] that with growing up adults are wrong. we can relate that to the VA pushing out because of the monetary and time issues you will cause them and again your unsupportive wife who has no ability to relate to this objectively because she loves you and that is hard to detach from and again your stubborn headed father who knows all the answer, because those are where they have gotten them at this time and to change that mental can put him in the same unstable boat you are in.

its not "veterans" who have this problem solely. however they do - as you are experiencing right now, call into that category, so don't think im retracting from that either.

now that you may a have a better understanding and tools to go forward - you can do just that . and you have to do it slowly! the body is far more complex that dumbass chemicals on a chart and label functioning systems - any fool who wants to argue that with me - let me know what the brain is and consists of and when u have a stupid answer - i'll say I told you so and move forward myself. the reason to take it slowly is because too much change to the body in a short of amount of time with anything, chemcials, experiences, thoughts, food, exercise, drugs, lifestyles - cause the body to go out of control and demand a stronger desire as as strong as those instances came into its view - you have to slowly readjust yourself, as if being weened off a bottle - be weened back into a stable state of mind - because you, yourself experienced this very extreme with undergoing a marine lifestyle.

you're going to have to forget what you've been through - granted its made you who you are - and find healthy, proactive activities that will see results, unlike our foremost mentioned instance of "why did I put so much in and get nothing out" what are you going to create for yourself with that you have done? - that is your answer for your puzzled question.

assuming your physical state is in welling being - outdoor activities are great - group sports maybe - i'm 27 and doing a lot of adult league sports myself - its not just for 17,19 year old kid intermureals and just because you're not a professional or good at it, doesn't mean you should shy away - that is almost a learned and accepted underhuhsed toned of society of "you're getting old" - defly don't let that one affect - especially as - "oh I've been through a lot - i'm getting old" - that is a very poor and egocentric state of mind to have. mentally - your state of mind will calm down and foloow this - you can think all the good thoughts you want in the world, but if you don't do anything -its just that "good thoughts" hopefully this will smooth you out, ease your mind and your past 10years and be able to show your daughter "kids MIMIC EVERYTHING" that life is not so bad and its truly your prespective and choices for what you want to make out of it. we know have an understanding of what your choices were and where they led you and you can change them around~

hope that helps buddy and I really hope you took the time to read this~~

also, because I choose to have fun in any situation, let me show you a proof of prespective to validate this memoir to you

LONGEST POST IN WAR2 FORUM HISTORY~!~!~!~ FTW Mr. Green

[see it is possible, just remember, in a non egocentric way, its you who controls your mind and what you feed into it - that will help you lead your way]


edit: actually your post was as long as mine lol - don't let the lol make this any lighter of a situation that what it really is though - remember on these forums, I choose to put fun into pretty much all of my posts unless otherwise where I need to state a a few real facts of life
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Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:55 am 
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Lightbringer-



Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 3790

yo man. suxs to hear that. war sucks. you're ViolentCrimes on ru right?
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Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:58 am 
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KingHillBilly



Joined: 24 Oct 2000
Posts: 1154
Location: California
Re: The Iraq War Ruined My Life

quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
quote:
Originally posted by GenOciDe-
Now, I am not one who ussually opens up about personal things but things have been awful for me lately and I just need to get some stuff out. To let you know just how low it is. I am sitting here with a bottle of my favorite, 'Makers Mark' and I don't drink often at all.

First I need to give some background information. I am a Marine, no longer active but still a Marine. I had always wanted to be a Marine since I was a kid. I graduated high school in 2000 and wanted to spend a year learning my already in progress trade of carpentry before I left.(remember, no war then.) After that year,(now Spring 2001), I joined the delayed entry program with the intentions of leaving at the end of the summer. Just as the summer was ending I tore and strangulated a hernia and spent a few months layed up and was disqualified from the program temporarily. So to make a long story short, I retore the hernis once and never ended up leaving for basic training until October of 2002. Now I joined for my original want to be a Marine but by the time I actually got to Parris Island I too was filled with anger from 911 as I was duped like many others.

After boot camp I went to the School of Infantry(SOI). I graduated SOI the week the invasion in Iraq began. I went straight to my unit and spent the next two months sitting at the barracks with our gear packed ready to go at any moment. Well, that didn't happen. So, soon the battalion came back and we were formed in to our new companys. I went to Alpha Company.(My beloved home for the next few years.) Our company ended up getting slated for duty in OIF2-2 which took place from sept 2004 to april 2005. We spent the time until then becomeing a strong fighting unit and became very closely bonded. In mid 2004 while we were doing our training workup we got the word that we would be headed to Fallujah. As we all knew at the time Fallujah was the wild west. We had already lost four Marines from our sister company who were currently there at the time.

So, we show up and relieve our sister company in early september and get to work conducting combat operations. In the first month we had many Marines wounded from IED attacks but luckily nobody killed. Then we got word that a major operation would take place soon and us being a reconisance unit would be responsible for providing alot of intel that would determine the operation. Needless to say we had our work cut out for us as well as second recon battallion which also did alot of the recon for the later to be named event called Operation Phantom Fury. When the battle kicked off the regimental combat teams went in from the north and we continued to hold blocking positions on the south end of the city. We were under constant Mortar, RPG, Sniper, and Machine gun fire the whole time for the most part. After the battle I spent my remaining tie in country embeded with the newly formed Iraqi Army, training and advising them. It truly was quite an experience. And then just like it began we were on a plane and back to America again.

I came home and we began to train because we knew we were going again in six months or so. During this time I began to have problems with my Heart and my gastrointestinal tract. I ended up being transfered from my company and had to have many medical tests done. It turned out that something had happened to my heart and I had irreversable damage was done. That led to a medical evaluation board which forced me to extend my contract and be unacceptable for reeinlistment. I was found unfit for duty and discharged in 2007 and told to go to the VA for further care. I came home to no work as I live in Michigan and had yet to enroll in VA benifits. It took almost two years to attain my VA benifits so I struggled financially as there was not many jobs available at the time.

I also statred care at the VA for PTSD. The first and foremost thing they wanted to shove anti-depressants down my throat. I said ok and I tried them. Big mistake. No matter what they tried they either made me sick or suicidal. I then asked if I could just talk to someone once a week to try to work things out. They offered me an eight session group therapy which was mildly helpfull. After asking again to be able to talk one on one with someone I was told I would have to be on medication first. That is when I walked away from the VA mental health system.

I did try seeing a private phsycologist through my wifes health insurance but did not find that helpfull even after a long time of trying.

With my history of experiences in the war and my steady symptoms I also suffer from traumatic brain injury.(TBI) I saw someone at the VA about it when I was first evaluated and was quickley shoved out his door as he had no interest in helping me or anyone for that matter.

It is now 2012 and I have spent alot of time researching the effects of Depleted Uranium(DU), Toxic exposure, and PTSD. So I went back to the Va today, saw my primary care physician to discuss these mattes. I was refered to a social worker who asked me many questions. First she told me that my primary care doctor should have adressed the toxic exposure topic and set up tests for me. He didn't, Major Fail in my opinion. When I brought up DU she said "Well if you weren't in any buildings or anywhere it eas used you should be ok. HELLO I was in Fallujah, DUH. How many houses did we end up clearing that had been destroyed by DU tank shells? More than I can count. So basically I got knowehre with the VA again. And I am starting to volunteer there next week to help other vets because the VA does not seem to give two craps about us.

So to make things worse, I go to pick my daughter up from my parents house afterwards and express my discontent for what happened. My father had the audacity to tell me I am crazy and I don't know what's going on with the VA and the wars and our current system. He told me he knows the system better than me although he is not a veteran and has never had to deal with this. The rest of My family treats me like I'm just some crazy war vet even though I don't say much or act bad when I am around. Is it the mainstream view that is causing this? I just realised that I must cut all ties with them until I can get myself taken care of. Things just get worse for me and not having family support just sucks bad. My wife is not a very supportive person either. I am truly hurt by the things that have happend and am very upset. Please don't worry as suicide is not in my future. I have the most wonderfull little two year old girl to raise. I am applying for a service dog as I used to train them and am just looking for change.

Are there any other veterans on here who have had simaler problems?

I know some will attack this post and that's fine. It won't be anything I have not heard before and you are welcome to do so. It will only echo the way us veterans are being treated openly in public by many now. Not a day goes by that someone does'nt look down on me or berate me for my service. All I want to know is why when we give so much, do we recieve so little in return? I'm sorry for giving a sob story I just feel weak and battered down right now. I just wish things could get better for one instead of continually getting worse.


i'll tell ya why geno, first I didn't know you were a marine - u never spoke of it and seeing how you bonded with pricklez on sc2 - it makes sense

what was your intent and reasoning on why u wanted to be a marine?
and as far as your last sentence of "I put so much in and yet got so little out"

completely egotistical. I can punch a wall all day until my damn wrist breaks and curse the very same statement you wrote. like, what did you think you were going to accomplish? follow someone elses voice for what? your reasons? if they are your reasons then u have you have no right complaining which tells me after high school, not to see u were uneducated, but you were uninformed of what you wanted [this may be retracted with your reasoning of wanting to become a marine, I don't think this yet]

I think your mind mentally and body physically were completely different.
war is war - it messes people up - aint you ever played a game called war2 and watch people die? - that stems from reality of what happens in wars

personally, I think its disgusting that its 2013 and with all the technology available regarding communication that war within the same species exists, its barbaric mannerism not to be contradicted with a barbarian. yet technology has much such fast, quick strides, its not been able to be implanted as fast as its being updated.

the only thing that was relating in your posts are when, twice, you sought help through human communication and considered that a benefit - in a sense of that you are doing now because ur past experiences warrented success - so thank you for opening up.

that said - you're going to have to rewire your brain - a mix of society is good - but to be a slave to it; is just that. i'm glad youre staying away from pharmaceutical drugs - despite working for an insurance company - they MAY have their time and place, but for all said and done, I think they are complete trash and mind fucking chemcials where peoples health are being farmed off of.

you're family won't understand unless they are being objective and can recognize themselves as being wrong - this is why your conversation with your father will never go well. he knows everything about nothing - two extreme ends of the spectrum that balance his sanity; where as, "awkward" as his maybe - its stable, where as you are fluctuating back and forth in your state of mind. again your intent of becoming a marine has to play with this.

that said; it's going to follow up on the previous paragraph of rewiring your brain and learning to live again - I understand you have sustained damage and people aren't going to understand - that's part of growing up [and listen, just cuz you may have been through more dynamic shit that me, doesn't make you a matured man despite you ability to follow duties and act responsibie - that is far different than wisdom, I don't mean to sound insulting or condescending, but you asked for help, so im going to give it to you] that with growing up adults are wrong. we can relate that to the VA pushing out because of the monetary and time issues you will cause them and again your unsupportive wife who has no ability to relate to this objectively because she loves you and that is hard to detach from and again your stubborn headed father who knows all the answer, because those are where they have gotten them at this time and to change that mental can put him in the same unstable boat you are in.

its not "veterans" who have this problem solely. however they do - as you are experiencing right now, call into that category, so don't think im retracting from that either.

now that you may a have a better understanding and tools to go forward - you can do just that . and you have to do it slowly! the body is far more complex that dumbass chemicals on a chart and label functioning systems - any fool who wants to argue that with me - let me know what the brain is and consists of and when u have a stupid answer - i'll say I told you so and move forward myself. the reason to take it slowly is because too much change to the body in a short of amount of time with anything, chemcials, experiences, thoughts, food, exercise, drugs, lifestyles - cause the body to go out of control and demand a stronger desire as as strong as those instances came into its view - you have to slowly readjust yourself, as if being weened off a bottle - be weened back into a stable state of mind - because you, yourself experienced this very extreme with undergoing a marine lifestyle.

you're going to have to forget what you've been through - granted its made you who you are - and find healthy, proactive activities that will see results, unlike our foremost mentioned instance of "why did I put so much in and get nothing out" what are you going to create for yourself with that you have done? - that is your answer for your puzzled question.

assuming your physical state is in welling being - outdoor activities are great - group sports maybe - i'm 27 and doing a lot of adult league sports myself - its not just for 17,19 year old kid intermureals and just because you're not a professional or good at it, doesn't mean you should shy away - that is almost a learned and accepted underhuhsed toned of society of "you're getting old" - defly don't let that one affect - especially as - "oh I've been through a lot - i'm getting old" - that is a very poor and egocentric state of mind to have. mentally - your state of mind will calm down and foloow this - you can think all the good thoughts you want in the world, but if you don't do anything -its just that "good thoughts" hopefully this will smooth you out, ease your mind and your past 10years and be able to show your daughter "kids MIMIC EVERYTHING" that life is not so bad and its truly your prespective and choices for what you want to make out of it. we know have an understanding of what your choices were and where they led you and you can change them around~

hope that helps buddy and I really hope you took the time to read this~~

also, because I choose to have fun in any situation, let me show you a proof of prespective to validate this memoir to you

LONGEST POST IN WAR2 FORUM HISTORY~!~!~!~ FTW Mr. Green

[see it is possible, just remember, in a non egocentric way, its you who controls your mind and what you feed into it - that will help you lead your way]


edit: actually your post was as long as mine lol - don't let the lol make this any lighter of a situation that what it really is though - remember on these forums, I choose to put fun into pretty much all of my posts unless otherwise where I need to state a a few real facts of life



What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling incoherant response were you close to anything that be considered a rational thought.

Everyone on this forum is now dumber for having read it.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:11 am 
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Jon;



Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Posts: 13966

sparkz is handicapped
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"i don't have pet peeves, i have major psychotic fucking hatreds"

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:14 am 
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Fast Luck



Joined: 11 Oct 2001
Posts: 22805
Location: Penis

geno isn't even american, i think he's just copy/pasting something?
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i zero bagged your mother

quote:
Originally posted by Fast Luck
hassan-i-asher: majorin in takin pictures
dreamin bout wayne from catalina wine mixers
listen little friend stay outta the deep end
cuz you're less street than vampire weekend

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:25 am 
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Scrub



Joined: 13 Feb 2004
Posts: 4009

^ Isn't he Canadian?

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:32 am 
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Fast Luck



Joined: 11 Oct 2001
Posts: 22805
Location: Penis

yah and this post specifically mentions places in the US and stuff so it's not him.
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i zero bagged your mother

quote:
Originally posted by Fast Luck
hassan-i-asher: majorin in takin pictures
dreamin bout wayne from catalina wine mixers
listen little friend stay outta the deep end
cuz you're less street than vampire weekend

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:55 am 
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alice66



Joined: 31 Oct 2010
Posts: 618

quote:
Originally posted by Fast Luck
geno isn't even american, i think he's just copy/pasting something?


I asked him. its just a copy/paste

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:03 am 
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Fast Luck



Joined: 11 Oct 2001
Posts: 22805
Location: Penis

i wonder why

also:

quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
war is war - it messes people up - aint you ever played a game called war2 and watch people die? - that stems from reality of what happens in wars

_________________
i zero bagged your mother
quote:
Originally posted by Fast Luck
hassan-i-asher: majorin in takin pictures
dreamin bout wayne from catalina wine mixers
listen little friend stay outta the deep end
cuz you're less street than vampire weekend

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:09 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

quote:
Originally posted by Fast Luck
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
war is war - it messes people up - aint you ever played a game called war2 and watch people die? - that stems from reality of what happens in wars


_________________
quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:11 pm 
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Rat



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 1045

kinda lame to just copy paste and not mention its not him.

The guy probably saw his heart problem as a negative, when it actually was positively. It made him leave the Marines and give him time for his daughter instead of getting more problem with health or worse getting killed.
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GreenHorn: Nexus cried every time I beat him but still thought he was better.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:37 pm 
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Sparkz102



Joined: 27 Feb 2003
Posts: 2999
Location: War2

roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say
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I am also a contradiction of my own lies

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:12 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say


lol look at this loser who spends an hour typing up bullshit for a forum and then tries to act like he owned the ppl who laughed at his retarded ass.
_________________
quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:44 pm 
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GaNzTheLegend



Joined: 01 Jan 2001
Posts: 8287
Location: Toronto, Canada

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread837362/pg1

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:50 pm 
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Sparkz102



Joined: 27 Feb 2003
Posts: 2999
Location: War2

quote:
Originally posted by hassan-i-sabbah
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say


lol look at this loser who spends an hour typing up bullshit for a forum and then tries to act like he owned the ppl who laughed at his retarded ass.


lol look at this loser who actually responds - struck a nerve, 3-0 fag - care to continue or do u need a page full life lessons too?

you self-loathing reject lolololol - please, feed into this u scrub

and ps. it only took me 59 mins, 4-0 now. gg
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I am also a contradiction of my own lies

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:12 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
quote:
Originally posted by hassan-i-sabbah
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say


lol look at this loser who spends an hour typing up bullshit for a forum and then tries to act like he owned the ppl who laughed at his retarded ass.


lol look at this loser who actually responds - struck a nerve, 3-0 fag - care to continue or do u need a page full life lessons too?

you self-loathing reject lolololol - please, feed into this u scrub

and ps. it only took me 59 mins, 4-0 now. gg


lol you're melting down and i didnt even read your long stupid shitty post
_________________
quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:41 pm 
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audre lorde



Joined: 28 Jan 2010
Posts: 575

quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
quote:
Originally posted by hassan-i-sabbah
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say


lol look at this loser who spends an hour typing up bullshit for a forum and then tries to act like he owned the ppl who laughed at his retarded ass.


lol look at this loser who actually responds - struck a nerve, 3-0 fag - care to continue or do u need a page full life lessons too?

you self-loathing reject lolololol - please, feed into this u scrub

and ps. it only took me 59 mins, 4-0 now. gg


what

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:44 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

BTW, Geno, thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't help but think things would improve if you let the light of Christ into your life. Anyway, I hope you feel better. God bless and thank you for your service fighting the terrorist guys.
_________________

quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:52 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

*machine guns innocent ppl to deaht* hahahahahahahah die bitch *blood splatters in face, screams like deranged animal as the slaughter continues*

*10 years later*

"waaaah waaaaaahhh, i have bad dreams and headaches!!! doc says it was the du that did it, everyone feel sorry for me boo hoo" lol
_________________

quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:59 pm 
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foonat



Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 7716

come play dota

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:59 pm 
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hassan-i-sabbah



Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 27424

lol...later on in the week man im going to bed p soon
_________________

quote:
Originally posted by turtleman
A normal person wouldn't say that in real life because it's ridiculous and insulting. Yet here you are spouting the most hateful garbage that your demons can muster out of your darkened soul. All because of the internet.

Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:00 pm 
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-667-



Joined: 21 Nov 2001
Posts: 5886

Sorry to hear of your woes genocide, and your story is one that only seems insulted by the lack of treatment from the VA. What have others in your situation done? The DU issue is one the officials are trying to stay away from I imagine, because acknowledging it and offering treatment would be an admission of putting soldiers in harms way, and I don't mean the enemy's. I would inquire to the lady about what her details are in determining a DU case. Is she using a standard of some sorts, or just generalizing?

I did not serve, but as an observer over the years I have seen programs where troubled vets got involved or started groups to support other vets. Maybe this kind of work could not only help yourself and others, but it could be an exercise in dealing with the situation(s).

It is too bad that your family does not understand or know how to help. I don't know about ignoring them, but maybe avoiding certain subjects could help. Not that that is right, but I hate to see a family divided, especially by such circumstances. Have you ever considered a group/family therapy meeting? Maybe that could bring awareness to the table and get everyone on the same page, to some degree.

Hey man, a dog sounds like a great idea and your little girl will continue to bring blessings. So keep your head up , and know that you have family-ish friends here to give a listen. I hope some of our vet members can help too.
If ya need an ear sometime, shoot me a U2.

Peace,
-667-
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Post Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:08 pm 
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Shotgun_



Joined: 18 Feb 2003
Posts: 7135

genocide is a huge faggot
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Post Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:17 am 
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Lightbringer-



Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 3790

man the best part of this thread is that sparkz102 took like 30minutes of his time to type that shit out...

lol
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Post Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:51 am 
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alice66



Joined: 31 Oct 2010
Posts: 618

lol. its not a story about geno, guys

Post Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:00 am 
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TheDRAX



Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Posts: 1906
Location: Dallas, Texas

quote:
Originally posted by alice66
lol. its not a story about geno, guys
'

I think everyone already knows this

Post Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:20 am 
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Sparkz102



Joined: 27 Feb 2003
Posts: 2999
Location: War2

quote:
Originally posted by hassan-i-sabbah
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
quote:
Originally posted by hassan-i-sabbah
quote:
Originally posted by Sparkz102
roflff after my epic post, i said to myself "by tomorrow when I check the responses, and i will get responses cuz this post was awesome - the 3 biggest self-disapproving rejects on this forum are already gonna be hating on this in less than a 24hour period "

seriously go home rejects - this is a 2-0 indirect chat rape without trying - nice self ownage you brought on yourselves lol

I will admit, kinghoneybuns did surprise me with his response tho, but he's more of an icon rather than being known for being a good individual anyway - the guy really thinks he's entitled to a lot of shit



hey - if you four need some help [which u do] I can put together another page long, life-assisting lesson for you too

also, I did not expect a response from geno- even tho I was curious to what he'd have to say


lol look at this loser who spends an hour typing up bullshit for a forum and then tries to act like he owned the ppl who laughed at his retarded ass.


lol look at this loser who actually responds - struck a nerve, 3-0 fag - care to continue or do u need a page full life lessons too?

you self-loathing reject lolololol - please, feed into this u scrub

and ps. it only took me 59 mins, 4-0 now. gg


lol you're melting down and i didnt even read your long stupid shitty post



Rofl - ghostnuke passing off his common insecure insults again and this times it's ignorantly on a post he hasn't even read lolololi lol - only to later make a post saying he feels for geno when he denies mine that has the same intent only to clear his name so he has the impression others don't take him for a fool - does this guy hate himself or what? lollol - 5-0 please stop for your sake I'm trying to help you - the selfownage is so real I honestly feel bad replying back to you Sad and I'm not even trying to 1up you or even have you associated at all here, the feels!!
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Post Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:40 am 
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